We always want REASONS for everything and anything. Without a reason, we are not ready to accept anything.
When a person commits suicide, we want to know the reason why they died. If we don’t find valid reason for him to be dead, then we find reasons to justify their death either by blaming the dead one or blaming someone close to them.
When someone does good for people, we want to know the reasons. We have thoughts like,”Are they doing this for popularity?”,”Did they have a bad past and wants people not to go through what they have been through?” They just wanted to help and they are helping.
Sometimes, not everything needs reasons like our life. You don’t need a reason to be happy, you don’t need a reason to be there for people you love, you don’t need a reason to make someone smile, you don’t need a reason to apologise to someone if it resolves the tough situation between you two, and don’t try to find a reason to make someone’s life better. Don’t try to find a reason for the situations that do not need you.
When we see someone happy, we ask them,” What happened? You seem so happy.” When we see someone sad, we ask them,”What happened? Are you okay?” When we see someone angry, we ask them,”What happened? You seem upset.” Everytime our question would be “What happened? Why ? What is the reason?”, it will be not, ” I am happy to see you happy” or “I am here for you” or “Are you feeling okay? Do you need something?”.
I am not saying, we don’t care about that person. Our care for the reason is dominating our care for them. When we see someone sad and ask them,” Are you okay? I am here for you”, without asking the reason for their sadness, then I can say we care about that person. But we start with the question that will answer the reason behind their emotion. We want to know whether the reason is worth enough to be sad about ot happy or angry about. We want to say them,”Are you sad for this silly reason?”. We always connect the reason to us and see how we react to it.
For instance, if a person lost a pen and he/she is very sad about it, we connect that reason to us and we don’t feel sad because it is just a pen for us. For them, it may be a memory of a person or a special event in their life. We try to console them by saying,”Don’t worry it’s just a pen.” If we know how special the pen is to them, then we say,”Don’t worry. I know how special that pen was to you but what can we do? It is gone. So, try and forget that.” Trust me, these words don’t make a sad person happy suddenly just because we said them not to worry.
You may ask, then what makes them better and how can I be there for them. You just gotta be there for them. Don’t ask the reason, don’t try to advice, don’t ever say “Is this a reason to be sad/ angry about?”. Sometimes they have a reason to give you, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they want to tell you the reason, sometimes they don’t. All you have to do is give them sometime and make sure they know you are there for them. We gotta realise that the person is important and not their reasons.
This case applies for happiness too. Just be a part of their happiness. Say,”It is good to see you smile.” Sometimes when our friend calls or texts us, we say,”I was thinking about you yesterday or the other day. I thought of calling you.” We say we wanted to do but we hardly do. When you think of someone, just send them a text saying a “miss you” or “love you” or “have a good day”. You will feel happy making a connection with them. Sometimes they may be having a bad day, your text or just a casual call will make them feel a lot better or just make them smile. Making someone smile gives you more happiness.
They don’t need our advice or our interpretations and evalution of the reasons that caused their emotion, they may need just a smile, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean or just your prescene.
Your smile can make a difference. Don’t look out for reasons. Look out for people. All you have to do is listen not ask. World suicide prevention day. Make others smile.
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